From the words that carve our lives to the words that take us by surprise...

You know it's time we grow old and do some shit

2006-11-14T21:55:26Z

I have to ask, what is college really preparing me for?
Since i go to a liberal arts school i have to satisfy a thousand nonsense credits which include sequences and labs for things that don't pertain to my major at all. cool. So we're more varied right? or just spend thinly over a lot of things that dont matter?

Everything is really taxing lately, even music. i think my dream would be just to play with kids all day in the sun

Anyway my classes for next semester thus far are:
Communication and Speech Disorders: Fundamentals of Hearing Disorders (science credit!)
Sociology of Sex and Gender
Writing
Gothic Art in Italy (which i'll surely drop)
Abnormal Psychology

I'm bound to change at least 3 of those classes. ugh.

At least i look happy right?

The broken social scene song: lover's spit is incredibly addictive and good.
mmm In a week i'll be in Vancouver with my favorites and i can relaxxxxxxxx

janercom @ 2006-10-29T19:23:00

2006-10-30T01:13:24Z

Halloween is super tacky, we all know this. I acknowledge that it is a super fun weekend for some people because there's craziness involved but i absolutely detest skankfest 2006. But this year it was actually a lot of fun!

Yes i was the girl from the blind melon video!

Shannon was wonderwoman because her boyfriend loves comics. Amanda was a german school teacher.

and i love rednecks. he had a tattoo of a confederate flag on the other side.

My night was momentarily ruined when i saw the fridge was open in this apartment so i decided to fix the beverage drawer so that the door will close. While i was doing this two boys are drunkenly dancing on a table and amanda insists on taking pictures of them so i hand her my camera. the kid is drunk and falls backwards, amanda tries to save him and my camera breaks. ARGGGH UGGGGH

i saw two guys on the way to a party dressed in 80's outfit and i just threw out "i love your shorts" and then as a joke "are you guys from the call on me video?" and i keep walking and they stop and go "oh my god, nobody guessed that! we ARE, we love you!" and they insisted on running back to give me a hug. i sat next to a batman on the bus and was incredibly aroused (even though his costume was a childrens costume)

my camera looks so sad :(

janercom @ 2006-10-25T01:17:00

2006-10-25T05:32:42Z

So i love love love tuesdays off, i spent the entire day in the same pair of pj's and it felt grrrreat. i have absolutely no idea what holiday was today but i thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Cockiness is the biggest turn off, we all know this. why do guys think it's okay even if it's 'warranted'? and remember cocky - like a peacock.
i love crazy straws, they make even mundane drinks appealing
The way to my heart is breakfast/brunch i have found, igor is quite demanding. We have an apartment rule where if a guy wants to sleep over he has to make us all breakfast, and i love it.
I've decided i'm blaming all my problems on the post office....and fat people

janercom @ 2006-10-17T16:30:00

2006-10-18T01:47:03Z

1) i miss the sun like the deserts miss the rain. anyone who says it isnt depressing when it starts raining and getting colder is an idiot.
2) i quit my job! hopefully i will be working with children instead shortly. or longly. i just hope in the near future.
3) i have become something of a boxing enthusiast, and by that i mean looking at sweaty men with rippling backs is delicious. i make joke. i love boxing, usually i would just give up at something i'm not automatically good at but the guys are so encouraging and always motivating me so it feels good. but the pain and aching after is so intense i want to die.
4) I will do anything to wear a dress....or for chicken pot pie. Either way last weekend i went to a boxing benefit dinner in which i got to wear a dress. the next day i went to the delt semi formal which was an around the world party!

So pictures!

Hellooo open bar

The result of said open bar

delt semi formal! (everything shannon is wearing is mine)

drunk

drunker.

Nothing to salvage anyway

2006-10-05T21:47:16Z

update on the jane.

Just baked a cake, i feel good about that, it's a cayley and jane baileys creation sans the irish pride.

Had my first real non first week acapella show and felt kind of crappy about that, it was really sad not having my mom there with a ham sandwich, my dad with his camera, my army of skanks.

Went boxing for the first time, training not boxing people, so we did rounds around the ring, shadow boxing, punching bags, some weird ball. and i felt proudly good but achy (most intense pain of my life) about that.

GOT TICKETS TO VANCOUVER FOR THANKSGIVING TO SEE MY FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

feel excellent about that.

but can everyone tell olivia kelly she's not allowed to touch me with her hoofs?
This is a picture i love.

Is that all there is?

2006-09-27T04:41:41Z

My choir does this thing, roses and thorns. Everyone names something good that happened to them (a rose) and a bad thing ( a thorn)
except we havent done it yet.
but somehow in our household it has become a little regular joke. So let's see, if i could start the weekend on sunday, my rose would be that we went apple picking! Feast your eyes!

Isn't it crazy how long my tongue looks? its partly the reflection in the apple, because in reality my tongue is actually shockingly short.

We went to a diner for breakfast which also made my day, yesss farmers breakfassst.

Us on the back of the tractor...thing. i like the clouds in the back, it was half sunny, half not.

My thorn is having a brain, and thats my question, is the allure of drugs and alcohol the dimming of the conciousness? to turn off our brains for a little while? to be totally oblivious? sometimes i get these weird nervous moments, for instance where ill be brushing my teeth and playing with my backfat and seeing if i can feel my kidneys when my heart does like a flip flop for absolutely no reason. if we could turn off our brains then i wouldn't have those flip flops, maybe thats why we like sleep so much.
But all in all things are getting A+'s

exaudi

2006-09-16T20:03:12Z

There is a large ball of frustration right beneath my sternum that just makes me want to punch babies.

im being followed by a moonshadow

2006-08-24T13:18:45Z

1) i love joseph arthur, how is he so good?
2) I hate jetlag
3) i love travelling, i hate the travel.

It took me THREE days to get from singapore to syracuse.

Let me tell you a little story.

When i arrived in hong kong, i found out that my flight 5 hours from arrival was cancelled (to chicago). Hotel stay and all that. Then they moved me to the earlier flight. I got on the plane and the captain said that a passenger hadn't shown up for the flight but checked their bags in so we had to wait to take the bag off. So i fell asleep during the wait. When i woke up we hadn't left yet.

I fell asleep again. I woke up. We STILL hadn't left. but this time there were two fire engines pulling up next to the plane. They started pulling their hoses out (hee hee) and stood around and then got back in their truck and waited. So im like WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? freaking out thinking hmmmm this doesnt sound safe at all! The captain comes on over the PA and says there might be a little FUEL LEAK.mmm okay, then a THUNDERSTORM starts. Fuel leak + lightning is that bad? so we're stuck on the runway and all the personnel are inside safe from the storm, and we cant drive back due to the fuel, so we wait until the storm is over. to find out that the flight is cancelled. So we clear customs and head for the hotel, i'm waiting for my luggage for forty minutes before SUPRISE theyre not coming!
Suffice it to say i wore the same pair of underwear for three days.

Due to the london incident they check everyones bags before US and UK flights. So i go up to a guy in hong kong and he goes through my bag and he gives me the ok. Then he pulls out a tampon.... And says "wait, whats this?" "um.. a tampon......?" "oh i've never seen one of this" and i reply " are you kidding?" I think he thought i was flirting with him so he started squeezing the plastic wrapper and i said "this is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard, you liar, can i have that back?"

So i be in the cuse now, its summer and gorgeous and interesting. Main squeeze is awesome and i absolutely love it. In other news we went to the lake ysterday!

We built an amazing sandcastle set of lands. Theres a minrarety thing a bridge, a coloseum, a greek thing, some african huts. And at the bottom theres a volcano!

At the same time how can i not miss these losers?

im still not sure what she was doing

aiyo. but i know that we'll see each other all the time so im okay.
peace out!

janercom @ 2006-07-30T12:36:00

2006-07-30T16:51:33Z

I am having a day.

this is why i wish i had a little man that i could put in my pocket, i would take him out and tell him all my secrets, all my indiscretions and the quiet things that no-one ever knows, the things that i think that are too horrible to say. The questions that i need answers to but can't ask because i would never want to instill sorrow on others.
And he would nod, and smile at me, he'd try to pat me on the back but he would be too small to reach, but the very effort of doing so would make me laugh and make me feel better. And then he'd suggest we go get ice cream and i'd say "hell yeah Sherman, do you want to ride in my ear this time? my ipod's out of battery"
You see where im going with this.

It's just that it's sad, everybody’s unhappiness is their own in its entirety. Nobody can truly help to shoulder the pain and confusion. As human beings we are too complicated and too flawed, and more than anything far too selfish to comprehend the extent of our actions and words. The very idea that more than one person can understand another’s grief and despair is absurd, we are born alone and we die alone.

give me your forever, not a day less will do

2006-07-19T06:55:50Z

Do you think fish can see us when we look at them?

I'm pleased.

I started my new job at the Hyatt! it pays better, is closer to cayleys and has shorter hours. It's also just better. I'm in the finance dept, people hand me huge huge bundles of receipts and i have to reconcile number with payments and stuff. surprisingly the hardest part of the job so far has simply been putting the rubber bands back on the bundles of receipts, theyre huge. but i love it here, everyone is like a big family and theres a man that sings when he walks to the fax machine, yesterday we did the inventory of the store rooms to a frank sinatra cd. theres a lot of laughter. plus i get to hear people say things like "the hyatt doesn't use plastic" and thats always exciting.

I moved into cayleys! its nice having people exist where you live, plus mrs coulbourn makes amazing muffins.

My mom came through her heart surgery yesterday amazingly, if i can say amazingly. Her pacemaker was put in absolutely terribly the second time, this time she was only supposed to get the battery changed but her surgeon managed to fix all the things that were wrong; the pocket, the leads and placement. She went through the entire surgery with only a local anathestic - thats what they give people for minor dental surgeries! so she was awake the whole time she had her chest opened up. plus she checked out of the hospital the day of her surgery even though she had to sign release forms, basically my moms a badass.
im so happy for her. maybe now she can be.

sing with your head up, with your eyes closed.
Not because you love the song, because you love to sing.

janercom @ 2006-07-04T11:35:00

2006-07-04T03:44:53Z

A sheep that didn't get trimmed (can i say trimmed?) for 6 years.
This made me laugh really hard. What a cutie. yet not.
awesome.

Mac n Cheese in a bubble bath is heaven.

2006-06-30T09:53:39Z

When i joined my company on june first, i got all the emails from a couple days before. May 31st was an email from a girl in Human Resouces - "Fruity Day".
i don't even know why i opened it it sounded so stupid. but i went for it, and in it she said "the fruit of the day of the month is oranges!" and then didnt say anything else about oranges and talked about like kiwis - in fact she even stated that all these fruits were a lot better than oranges. Then why pick oranges? Anyone who talked to me that day got to hear how stupid i thought it was, first of all what the hell was it and why? why is it the fruit of the day.........of the month? and why does she think she's special enough to pick a fruit of the day??

As i found out today, June 30th, she actually gives out the fruit on the last day of the month. today was bannanas and i was pretty happy about that. As a couple of my female coworkers made jokes about how the bannanas were long (oh penis jokes) i started to think, how come monkeys like bananas? Is it because genetically they're predisposed to find them -with all the climbing and tree swinging and what not? Then why do elephants like peanuts? do they even like peanuts? am i just being lied to by disney?

Anyway my ipod broke, i cried for about 5 days and then bought a new one. i dont like the new one, i'm now in deep debt and it plays videos. what am i supposed to be impressed? i'm really not the biggest fan of change.

Everytime i think about going back to college, to syracuse my soul deteriorates a little bit. and im not impressed.
I was however sort of impressed with Superman Returns, as a blockbuster not so much, but if you're looking to laugh at something it's awesome.

together we'll wreak havoc, you and me.

2006-06-19T16:47:29Z

So i've been thinking a lot. a lot a lot.
i just want to turn my brain off because my negativity is getting to the point of exhuastion.

So im going to bitch and whine and think and scream
and feel completely free to ignore it, i would.

Otherwise
i succesfully made lasagna today and i am proud.
I saw benny benassi on saturday and i was excited.
i am in love with rufus wainwright and i still pretend he's singing to me.

So here goes.
I've been thinking a lot lately about living, the whole act of being and existence.
i feel like its some weird cruel joke that we are born into this world -without ever asking to be- and as added irony, we have to survive in it. We have to protect ourselves, find sources of income and furthermore fit into social norms.
I feel that there are all these expectations, social norms that people adapt to to feel safe and within boundries. It’s almost like some arcade exchange where you need a certain amount of things; friends, marriage, career, money, power- to know that you’ve achieved anything. A sort of modern amoral social contract, i worry about it every single day.

I mean i have to ask, are career, sex and the concept of achievement simply constructs to relieve us from some unbearable ennui?

Where do those concepts begin to bring us happiness? do we just react the way we think we should?

look at how incredibly structured our society is. Civilization. what a joke. sure, civilization is organised battle.
I've seen in the strangest places that people are happy without any of that. Aspirations aren't important, nobody needs them.
I want to dance and scream and sing in the middle of the road, I want to do whatever I want without consequence, I want something else. But you can't do that. And i know i can, i can do whatever i want. but in reality you cant.
I read Veronika Decides to Die a long time ago and the stuff in there always stuck with me, this idea that the only way you can really be yourself is to be diagnosed as mentally insane, people can then shrug off whatever they don't understand.
and maybe thats true.

How do we even know that anything we think is right? isn't the idea of evil or bad simply things that we as a society don't agree with?
Look at our universe, today i was reading the newspaper and i read about people in indonesia who for $3.45 US a day will protest for causes they may or may not beleive in. what? the issues that are being protested are often at the root of fundamental issues, adding fuel to a fire that continues to hurt people. And the sad thing is, those people probably need that money.

i mean i guess im getting upset about all the things that everyone else does, i dont understand war, i dont understand poverty, i don't understand lonliness. the idea that there are these hospices and retirement homes where old people go to die? They die alone. Thinking about that makes me cry, nobody should have to live and leave any sort of life alone.

but i guess the thing is
Everyone is alone in the end, we all have too much in our minds.

janercom @ 2006-06-07T17:54:00

2006-06-07T09:56:42Z

Jane says:

i finished all my work way ahead of time, seriously im worth so much more than what im paid for

Dad says:

ask for a raise!

Dad says:

or better still, ask for something worthwhile to do!

Jane -says:

um thats definately not better.

Dad says:

real work that will make a difference to the company

Jane says:

screw that

Jane -says:

pride and satisfaction from "achievement" can't buy me pretty dresses and an ipod dad.

Dad says:

but you would feel better in them

Jane says:

no no dad, natural highs are for losers dad. and i don't get in my ipod. i get down.

oh how i love the chickpea

2006-06-05T09:59:27Z

my sister actually complained that i didnt update this. you have to understand its WAY too much effort for her to pick up the phone and dial a number although she does find time to ask me to go shopping for her,
im just kidding i love my sister

anyway

im at work and i have mastered the skill of looking busy while not doing anything, don't beleive me? i havent done any real work in over four hours now. now thats skill.

although i guess thats just taking other skills like how i used to not take care of the kids at camp and eat their hamburgers.
i digress

anyway the update on my life.

Living next door to alice is the BEST song to sing at karaoke

breaking and entering and public nudity can get you three police cars and a harsh warning. now and then, a baton warning!

lions DO eat giraffes guys so unfortunately cayley cant bring me back both.

i cannot chug faster than auggie and it can be extremely embarassing

the programming manager at my office told me there was a lot of violence in new york especially where there were "neegars" around.

sometimes i listen to rap and then i start dancing a little, but im on the subway to work and people stare.

they see me rollin, they hatin

janercom @ 2006-05-26T23:55:00

2006-05-27T03:57:39Z

"If you could choose between a lifetime supply of cream cakes or a washboard tummy, what would it be? I’m assuming you picked the latter, because it seems that women the world over are obsessed by firm ‘abs’"
- some fitness article

umm....when i was reading this i thought "hell yeah ice cream cake!"
wow now i know why i'm so fat.

but in all fairness....ice cream cake is like the king of cakes.

how bout another first kiss

2006-05-19T10:36:23Z

Yesterday:
Margarita thursday with alums, then we broke into shaw rooftop garden with beer and then went swimming in our underwear.
Today:
drank margaritas with sid by the pool, watched chris wong in a delightful white outfit lose a tennis game while drinking beer and then got a pedicure.
tonight for dinner delicious newton circus = happiness (im thinking satay and fried rice)
tonight for fun zouk a louk?
Tomorrow:
the beach and numerous bottles of liquor.

singapore is a beauty
but hot. i really forgot that i live in the tropics
all i need now is to ace my job interview on monday so i get moneys

sick sick my heart

2006-05-15T12:00:33Z

Fact: As Tall As Lions are awesome.

So summer begins

it just wouldnt be summer without a 20 hour travel!
whats weird is that all the japanese flight attendants kept on speaking to me in japanese and then once they realised i wasnt japanese theyd speak to me in english.
but you assume that the japanese can tell the chinese and japanese apart
so maybe my grams fooled around with a japanese guy who knows.

so on the plane i watched: memoirs of a geisha (so prettily filmed), the producers (really?), rumor has it (crreeepy), the constant gardener (intriguing), walk the line ( i wish i was june carter)

but alas i am in my beloved singapore, tomorrow is tiger tuesday so already its paying off

airports are weird you know? planes are supposed to symbolise adventure and escape. but in the end they really signify endings because you can't find something new without leaving something behind.

anyway

What i need: more money = work. i need a job.
what i long for: more cayleymarisaoliviax2jondavid and that singapore traitor lucian. oh and beer.
what i am thinking of for the summer: going curly, getting a tan, curing cancer if theres time leftover.

now you!

1) what i need:
2) What i long for:
3) what i am thinking of for the summer:

jetlag: cure yourself.

janercom @ 2006-05-12T18:05:00

2006-05-12T22:06:11Z

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music	Folk

Quiz created with MemeGen!

i soooo do not look like that
but they do have the whole anime asian thing going i guess...

janercom @ 2006-05-05T20:45:00

2006-05-06T00:52:11Z

So i'm beginning to frame this theory
where all people are inherently selfish, individualistic, egotistical and goal orientated fuckers.
and i don't leave myself out of it
but its also a lot like the realistic conflict theory.

this has nothing to do with anybody and yeah people are really really nice most the time, but sometimes i jsut catch glimpses of people or myself, and god human beings can be so ugly.

it makes me sad and angry

i want my own island.

janercom @ 2006-04-27T15:35:00

2006-04-27T19:46:23Z

I am AWESOME at paint

BIZAM
although the coke is too red, who can help that?

anyway i felt the need to put up more useless pictures because they make me laugh

The birthday card i sent my sister!!

Some notes emily put some fun things on?

Anyway that's all really
i turn 19 on monday, and im not excited at all, i think id rather hide in my bed than make people celebrate with me
its sad too because usually id be out on a porch eating delicious pasta and drinking wine with my best friends

you've got this strange effect on me, and i like it

2006-04-18T03:15:29Z

Why would anyone think it's okay to have everyone know what your'e doing at every possible moment on facebook? seriously facebook has its uses but im getting more creeped out by the second

We got housed! i'm living on south campus which means sweet apartment with Amanda emily and shannon. We're going to have a hookah, a grill and tiki torches. hell yes

So this weekend i went to New Jersery with my lovely roomate amanda for easter. There were definately some funny moments. Anyone who knows me knows im terrified of dogs, so i walk into the house, amanda runs over to her boxer, he gets super excited starts jumping around and im practically on the couch screaming.

Then at dinner her family is drinking and swearing at each other. Her two sisters are yelling "kill yourself! why are you home?" in more of a joking way. Now amandas dad, he is hilarious. He's racist...except to everyone, even himself. Beleive you me he educated me a lot on the jews this wekeend. And he has NO tact. so at dinner he goes "so jane at parents weekend, your mom is she an alcoholic? is she in therapy?" im like um...no? and he goes "yeah she was sweating up a storm, she's not a drinker?" "umm...not quite..."

Later we decide to go to coldstone and he finds out that i don't drive and he keeps INSISTING that i drive, "jane come on i bet you ten dollars i could get you to coldstone" "im really not comfortable..." "come on its fine ill get you there" "but its 9 and dark out and i don't know which pedal is which..." "whatever!"
thank god i wasnt forced into the drivers seat.

Amanda takes me to a party in the basement of her friends house and we're talking to her friend who happens to be on steroids and crazy. And amanda goes "hey Jason, jane told me she has a crush on you" and im like "ugh..." but i don't want to sound like im one of those girls who's like hahaha no! but really means yes. so i was like "ha yeah" so he goes over to his friends and i see them talking and hear him go "yeah im totally going to go for it!" and he comes over and starts talking to me.
awkward!

Good times good times

Today i was walking across campus with amanda and a car drove by and without realising it i walked forward as the thingy that lets cars in comes crashing down on me. i was embarassed.

So today i had an epiphany in math class: Kip Dynamite has a better love life than me.
silent sigh.
Well at least i don't love technology. oh fuck i do.

janercom @ 2006-04-05T19:32:00

2006-04-06T00:28:40Z

i am so tired of all the syracuse bullshit.
seriously
why?

we didn't get placed in the housing we want
and since when did it become appropriate to make phone calls during dinner?
people i dont care how popular you want to seem, its rude.

a long time ago, when i was choosing what school to go to, i chose syracuse because somehow i felt like i had to come here.
as ridiculous as that sounds

well good job intuition, once again you've gotten me nowhere.

but it's all okay because this weekend i am going to the city :)

PS: allie you are hanging out with me too :)

pps: the question of the day
if you could do anything humanly possible where nobody would know or hold you responsible, what would you do?

i have a pretty good answer

janercom @ 2006-04-03T11:48:00

2006-04-03T15:55:10Z

MY wonderful sister is turning 21 today!
yay!!
That's her back then, she's a champ

Kate Lee you are the best at being my big sister, even if you demean the word sister by having lots of sorority sweater wearing sisters.
i digress.
Kate you rock and i hope you have the best birthday ever!

oh how i would do things so differently

2006-04-02T19:56:18Z

The last few days have been.....well cautiously optomisticly...theyve been suuuweet

the sun came out! obviously the best thing to happen to me this entire year.

so i've been doing all the college things, lying out on the lawn on a blanket (the quad is covered in beached whales), playing FRISBEE (yes..everyone did make fun of my run. :(..) frolicking with all the kids i actually really like!
Then friday. we all went over to the delt house, yeah couches on the lawn, horseshoes, golf, rugby and mixed drinks. i felt so ridiculous sitting on a couch out on the lawn watching the frat houses and people drinking beer from 2 storey funnels.
Then we we went to a bbq at this house, mmmm hot dogs. pina colodas and miami vices. i go back to the bar to get a drink, the bartender - instead of blending drinks - he's rolling a joint. made to order?
i feel so collegy, and i don't know how i feel about that because im a cynic.
Last night eurotrash party, weird how music can sometimes make you feel at home, then they played hip hop and i got annoyed. i just wanted to touch someones tra la la.

amanda this morning "your voice gets so high pitched when you're drunk, and i was trying to tell you you were drunk and you were not having it."
me: "yeah. i was drunk"
amanda: "i know that. you were running around yelling "i'm awesome".

new life goal: i'm going to be nicer. just nicer.

screwdrivers and tolberones in my room with my favorite people

oh god chicken rice. i cry inside. nobody should salivate so much at the sight of food

my best friend who i miss dearly

marisa i miss you too but you didn't fit into my scheme of pictures. don't cry

This is something i found online and it's priceless:
Singapore is CLEAN and GREEN. Not only can you eat off the sidewalks, you can eat off the dinner plates at restaurants and not go home
with the severe intestinal damage you acquire in other countries (ahem...peoplesrepublicofchina). The trains run on time. The cab drivers are
perpetually cheerful. The parks are alive with orchids and butterflies and majestic Banyan trees. Indians mix with Malay and Chinese. Everybody
speaks Singlish. The place is a model of civility. No wonder they caned that bratty kid for spitting gum.

(hem. we actually caned him for vandalising a lot of cars.)